Trying to Process........

I have started several posts regarding our trip to Kenya. I seem not to be able to complete them. I don't know if it is the jet lag, or just I am not ready to process all what we have seen there. Rob is also needing to post pics for me so pics to come.

I know what we have seen has changed me somehow. Even though I realize how blessed we are, I am very cranky and just not really happy. It is almost a depression. I have been cranky with my best friends to the point I hurt them. I have been cranky with my husband which hurts me. I have apologized to the three of them but its still not justified. I think I need to process the things running in around in my head. I am surprised how I am reacting to things this trip. Costa Rica was also very much poverty and filth alot like Kenya.I think what Mary and Wallace are doing in the Mathrai Valley is amazing! they have changed so many lives already. A part of me feels so helpless and guilty what we have here in the States. If I want food, I buy it. If I want 10 movies, I buy it. What I spend on DVDs a month will buy a mattress and three blankets. What I spend on cokes in a month will sponsor a child for school, meals, and clothing.

It makes you realize how us in the US do not have a clue about the rest of the world. We are a selfish nation. We are so much about having the best of everything, what things can we buy, what kind of cars we drive, ect... It is one of the factors why we are in this horrible economic recession. We have had to borrow money to pay for our things and not just be happy with what we can afford as a country in whole.

I came home to my nice big house with a nice big warm bed with the ac on. I was able to get water from my refrigerator (with ice) that was safe to drink, I took a long hot shower, fixed a meal on my stove after going to the grocery store to buy whatever we wanted, I drove there in my car. Now I am back to work to a job I am thankful for since there are so many layoffs around us. But my mind keeps drifting back to Kenya..... to the teacher who has so much joy on her face because she loves Jesus so much and she is teaching kids who would not have the chance to learn English, history, math and about Christ without the Missions of Hope. I keep thinking she only makes 90.00 a month but she sure loves to be there.
I have the little kid that stands outside of the Mabatini(sp) center with his little brother on his back. Their eyes so big and you can see the pain. They watched outside the doors while we taught the kids songs and games. I can still smell the odors of the beer brewing that kills so many because it is dangerous to drink. It is brewed over an open fire with who knows what all is in there. I still smell the odor of animals, feces, and garbage. I still feel what it is like to be in complete darkness when sitting in a home before the light panels were installed. It was a helpless feeling. I knew God would take care of us but you is so strange to not be able to see in front of you even when it is daytime.

I can tell you of the experience we had but until you are there, you can not understand. I can show you pictures but you don't smell the air. I challenge others to go and see.

Another thing I realized from this trip, the USA needs Christ more and more everyday. I had to go Kenya, Africa to see true joy and trust in the Lord! Why can we not have the joy of the Lord of on our faces? Mostly we are "too busy" with life. I can tell you one thing, we need to be witnessing here daily to our family, friends, and somehow to everyone we encounter. Even if it is just with the joy on your face because you love Jesus. That is worth a thousand words.

Now that I have rambled. I hope this make sense. I am not going to edit it since this is my true feelings.

Today try to witness to someone, let the Joy of the Lord show on your face!